*counting faces*

dear diary,

i really cannot explain how i feel these days. seriously, it's sweet sour and bitter.

there are things which i really cannot fathom and comprehend. alright, it means i don't understand. but the thing is, they are all too sudden. probably, the only way to describe it is as if someone dropped a huge bomb in my life, dug a huge hole for me to fall into, shot me with a rifle so i hurt so bad, heavily wounded with millions of holes and scars on me. these issues eat my heart out and gradually left me very hollow. all because i cannot understand. i can't or refuse. this i cannot differentiate.

that is the bitter part.

Sour.
it is sour because i feel the power of deviousness around me. being taken advantaged of. well, the biggest problem is it's not about me at all. it's largely about my dears... i really can't save them. it is difficult to stand around watching not doing anything. sl, we can try battling out with the character, but all is lost. you must know we will lose..we are at the losing end. we are not favoured. the conditions do not allow at all. is probably 9 years longer or a few months longer? really come on...it's reality. (see, this is the rational part of me which i refuse to acknowledge). i dream of a close-knit circle. i'm dreaming. is it because i already knew i had to let go, but i am still i self-denial. possible.

that's why it is so sour.


Sweet.
i feel extremely eloquent when it comes to this part. my week has simply been fantastic with me going for sleepovers, adventures, outings, more outings, luncheons, meetings with my beloved juniors..my dearest ones persay, my best friend.
sleepovers. i am serious i had not had such a tiring one. really, who excersises that much? my classmates. *laughs heartily* actually it was superb! i felt revived after that. and our night expedition in a weak attempt to frighten the guts out of our another poor classmate. this obviously failed miserably. but as you can see...we had a night expedition..means adventure..means lots of walking..means working out. you are right. exercising. *laughs* they totally excavated my deeply buried burning desire to lead a heathly lifestyle. wait..don't steer. you are right again. a healthy lifestyle.
outings. i love outings. had a really interesting one. my trip to thrift stores with sleepover friends. to tell you the truth, we were extremely disappointed with them. or rather with it, we went to the one on waterloo street but it was seriously miserable. there was something cheap about the air. well, it's not the problem.. it's the quality and designs of the hand-me-downs. disgusting they were. you can't find a thing. poorly organised and dusty. musty. we took pictures instead. although it was very tiring and we were cheated by the "everything is fantastic" megazines, we did enjoy ourselves and called it a day with lots of pictures taking and short shopping experiences at er....bugis street and bugis junction.*smiles*
now at least we know the real and ugly truth about thrift stores.
meeting with effygirl.
i love all my meetups with her. she gives very good advice. that's for one. the other reason being we are super close to one another. very chummy. we went really way back. but our most vivid memories still sort of stopped at the sec 3 cultural exchange trip to china. we were roommates for 11 days. that really added a plus point to our friendship. another layer of coating. i can tell her anything under the sun and she's really a good listener. always making my day at the end with her wise words, all very sardonic. how ironic is that. dramatic.
meetings with kay.
kay is also a very close friend of mine. a close friend of all of us in the clique. laughs. i'd really prefer to call them groups if i am allowed to. kay also gives excellent advice. we can really talk alot too. she is very concerned about my studies. so i shall be studious. okay. more studious so as to not disappoint her. laughs again. wait. i shall be serious. shouout: it is time to buck up! pull up your socks!
outings with my beloved juniors. beloved. they really are the GREATEST juniors you can ever possibly have. they are my dearest. love them love them love them. they are all sweet and always there for you. i remembered that i was very nervous and discouraged and demoralised towards SYF and they encouraged me a lot. they comforted. and some of my dears even gave me a card. see the irony? but the things is, they are lovely people. enough of the never ending praises i am singing. NO. i shall not stop! i went cycling yesterday. without knowing how to cycle. so the only choice besides learning is tandem. ahem. yes tandem. and being like super heavy...okay people..i realise the need to lose weight...it's not just some casual comment already. my skinniest junior tandemed me. he is really damn skinny. i knew it would break his bones but he kept reassuring me that it is alright. how sweet is that? told you my juniors were the best. the rest kept saying you can do it. can you imagine being in an environment with all smiles, all encouragement and even the air reeks of love! we are the xyz family indeed.
luncheons. oh yay. truthfully, me and my classmates have luncheons almost every other day. we all enjoy food and share our love for food. favourite hangout, either pizzahut and kfc. the juicy part is..these people are actually going for 30 hour famine camp. i really can't imagine how they will possibly survive these torturous minutes and hours. all i can say is good luck my girls! you guys love food like mad, so it really is big decision to join this. i mean, come on, pay $30 dollars to starve yourself which is why my classmates are all soo cute and sweet. it's for a good cause what. that's what they'll say. you don't see that kind people around. laughs. hey! i am not pointing to myself.
just received an sms. my darling is worried she will be very very very hungry!
my cousins.
my closest cousin is flying to gold coast. without me. i am so stuck here in singapore, preparing for my exams. however, i shall look on the brighter side of life and see it as a chance for me to buck up on my studies. hope she will really enjoy the sun, the sand, the sea. wonderful!
my best friend.
recently i chatted with her for a while. it was really a while because she had to prepare for her h3 examinations. it was really lovely talking to her. we are soulmates. we don't really talk much. ahem. i understand the confusion here. i am talkative, blabbling nonsense all day long. but yes, we do not talk as much. all that is left unsaid is perfectly understood. recently her gram passed away. i really felt very sorry for her. i send my condolences. i am seriously upset about this. should be classified under bitter.

above is my bitter. sour. and sweet life. i guess it is always like that. there are people to leave you mid-hanging and people who will make your day. i am very grateful to those who made my day.

love,
counting faces